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The Underground Queer Martha

Feb. 7th, 2006

09:55 am - update on the crush

well, sadly, the crush is no more.

the trip basically kinda sucked :( there was no 'spark' between us, she was sick with the flu and i basically spent my entire weekend (not to mention $500) babysitting her kid. he's a great kid and i had fun with him and all, but geez, talk about things going awry :(

although i'm cool with how things played out (or rather DIDN'T), i'm still really bummed out. i'm 34, will be turning 35 next month and well, nothing in my life is as i thought it would be at this stage in my life. my crush seemed so perfect for me "on paper", it's rather disconcerting that it didn't work out. it's so hard to meet people for dating -- let alone quality people :( my days are spent teaching 20 year olds or at the gym.

where do you all meet people to date? ugh. although there are many things i love about being in my 30s, being single in my 30s is definitely NOT one of them. i'm starting to think i may end up a spinster after all!!! that used to be my joke, but i'm not finding it so funny anymore.

thank you again for all your advice on this matter :) hope you had a fabulous weekend and are having happy adventures in dating land.

Current Mood: crushedcrushed

04:28 am - So, snoopymccrew came over for dinner.

As soon as she was out the door, The Q said, "She's cute. Are you gonna date her?"

Brat. The answer is probably not. But I never rule anything out. Especially when a grrrl is that cute!

Current Mood: amusedamused

Feb. 6th, 2006

05:18 pm - ok, ok ...

well, i'm here. i finally capitulated, largely because i need to know how snoop's gettin on. : )

so, * waves * hi everyone!


Jan. 27th, 2006

10:26 am - the CRUSH update....

first of all, thanks to all the advice everyone has given me -- i appreciate it! after much thought, i did decide to let me three fishies go. strangely enough (i think), they have each expressed the desire to remain friends & keep in contact & hang out. huh. ok, i can work with that :)

so about the crush....i am more into her every day that passes. it's scary, but in an exhilirating way :) we talk on the phone daily and email/text back & forth. she knows things i've never told anyone else.

we finally decided that we would try to meet during Spring Break. then we moved it up to the end of February. then last night, well, i bought at ticket to Oakland, Ca for next thursday. that's right, we are meeting in less than a wekk now. yikes!!!

i'm really nervous -- i don't want to fuck this up. mostly though, i am nervous for a totally shallow reason -- i think i'm too fat and would prefer that she saw me for the first time thinner, you know? i originally picked Spring Break because I figured i could at least drop a size by then :( (i'm a small 16 and working on it!) anyway, now it's next week and no, i'm not going to go all crazy trying to drop a couple of pounds by then, lol. i know (intellectually) that she's either going to like me or she's not. i'm either going to like her or i'm not. but there is still this insecure part of me that constantly worries about how someone might perceive me :( it wouldn't be such a big deal except that she has a totally rocking body and is HOT HOT HOT. i guess i'm more used to being the prettier one, lol, so i don't know what to do with this and how to handle it.

thank you for letting me spill my guts.

Jan. 26th, 2006

02:40 pm - got a body? then politics of the body is for you!

if you live in or anywhere near the los angeles area, i highly encourage you to come on down and check out the sure-to-be-fabulous speaker series "Politics of the Body" to be held over the next 3 months on the campus of the university of southern california. my friend and colleague emily and i have been oprganizing this series for the past year and we are excited it will be starting soon. below are all the details. comment if you have questions! and please feel free to circulate widely!!

The Politics of the Body
3 panels at USC € February 9, March 9, and April 3 € Spring 2006

Thursday, February 9
Visualizing Race, Sexuality, and Nation
5:30-8:00pm / Doheny 240            
Moderated by Jason Goldman, PhD Student, Department of Art History
Erica Rand - Professor of Art and Visual Culture, Bates College
Jennifer Terry - Associate Professor of Women’s Studies, UC Irvine
Saloni Mathur - Assistant Professor of Art History, UCLA

Thursday, March 9
Mediating Subcultural Deviance
5:30-8:00pm / Doheny 240           
Moderated by Stefanie Snider, PhD Student, Department of Art History

Alma Lopez - Visual artist, Los Angeles
E. Patrick Johnson - Associate Professor of Performance Studies, Northwestern University
Kathleen LeBesco - Associate Professor of Communication Arts, Marymount Manhattan College

Monday, April 3                
Queering Transnational Histories
5:30-8:00pm / Doheny 240           
Moderated by Emily Hobson, PhD Student, Program in American Studies & Ethnicity
Ian Lekus - Assistant Professor of History, University of Georgia
Fiona Ngô - Fellow in Asian American Studies, U-Illinois, Urbana-Champaign
Marcia Ochoa - Assistant Professor of Community Studies, UC Santa Cruz

The Politics of the Body is organized by USC graduate students with the support of the Academic Professionalization Program of the College of Letters, Arts and Sciences.  The series addresses the embodied structures of race, gender, and sexuality in social movements, performance, and contemporary life. Program sponsors: USC College of Letters, Arts and Sciences € Center for Feminist Research € Graduate and Professional Student Senate (GPSS) € Department of Art History € Program in American Studies & Ethnicity € Visual Studies Research Lab € Program in Gender Studies € Department of Anthropology € Department of English € Department of Sociology € Department of Comparative Literature € GLBTA € LGBTRC € PASEO € AHGS € GSCN € QUICK € list effective 1/19/06

For more information on the series contact the organizers:
Emily Hobson: hobson@usc.edu / Stefanie Snider: ssnider@usc.edu
free and open to the public - reception food at the panels too!

Jan. 23rd, 2006

10:32 am - Call for Artists & Performers (please repost!)

Off-topic, folks. This is a call for artists and performers for a queer cabaret show in Pittsburgh. But, if any of you live in the Pittsburgh area, or are/know a national queer act that would like to submit, please let me know! (don't mean to be spammy, but this seemed like the best place to post this).

Steel Queer N' At Collective is seeking artist and performers for our next cabaret show on Friday March 24, 2006. Submission deadline is Sunday February 19th 2006. We are seeking acts, visual art and performance pieces that are in line with our mission. First time performers are especially encouraged to apply.

Performers will have the opportunity to work on an organized show run by a collective, meet other artists in the community and have media and community exposure. The show is being headlined by a well known New York Dyke Band. Steel Queer N' At Collective is offering a small stipend for all performers selected for the show. The space has table seating for the audience, a catwalk, a small backstage and a full elevated stage, lighting and sound.

How to Submit: E-mail a one to three paragraph description of your submission to notaprincessATmsn.com. or mail to 212 S. Mathilda St. Apt. 2 Attn: Becca Cooper. We are accepting all mediums of expression ranging from but not limited to spoken word, music, burlesque, film, comedic monologues, fashion shorts, skits, dance and still visuals/crafts for display/sale.

This is our mission:
We are a collective of queer creators, eclectic artists and performers in the city of Pittsburgh. Development of women and transgender respectful spaces is essential to the growth of the queer community and we have recognized the need to develop a more socially and politically conscious community in Pittsburgh and the surrounding area. We are striving to cultivate and sustain spaces that celebrate diversity through art. Our goal is to build a network of artists and queer folks from all walks of life, regardless of race, size, age, class, gender, gender identity, gender presentation, religion, creed, and color.
Self-determination is vital to our progress. While we maintain our individual identities, own our creativity and our struggles, in the spirit of solidarity we utilize this moment to create a movement through art and through all the opressions found within that realm. We are creating a new aesthetic and we do this collectively because it is absolutely necessary for our health, well-being and struggle.

Jan. 21st, 2006

02:09 pm

ok, so if i make a post and then choose "friends only" below -- that means that only ppl in Queermartha can see it, not my f-list as well, right? in other words, would someone who clicks on "Friends" at the top of my LJ be able to see the entriy as well?

Jan. 20th, 2006

12:32 pm - because indigo_black asked for it... a context

so yesterday i posted about having a crush on a butch, yet not knowing whether i should let the other fishies on my line go...(i'm leaning towards letting them go, btw...though i hesistate as i fear it would jinx the crush!)

anyway, so here is the crush context:

first, you should know that although i live in Dyke, USA, said dykes are either a) mostly LUGS who are under 22 or b) 70s type lesbo-feminists who are over 50. I am 34. i like to date folks around my age, you know?? definitely not younger, but not way older either (at least i don't now that i am in my 30s, lol). furthermore, the few people my age are mostly butches who are into other butches. i am a femme, so i don't meet their dating criteria, lol. anyway, this means that i feel rather isolated in my cute little town (i'm here to finish up grad school), so i choose to find my dates via online ventures.

ok, so i started corresponding with my crush/IMing/talking on the phone a week ago. Nope, we have not yet met, but i'm reasonable certain we shall. i tell her that i have a huge crush on her & she kinda teases me about it (in a good way, though). yesterday, she created a LJ and joined a butch-femme community I help moderate and posted in it. as part of her post, she mentioned my name several times & also subtly made clear her interest in me (i think??? hope!!!). ugh, yes, i know i am a freakazoid who over thinks things!! i'm trying really hard to just let things flow. anyway, i do think the creation of the LJ and stuff is a good sign, yes?

do you understand by issue? i have a couple of fishes on the line who are relatively local, but honestly, i just can't think about them anymore, i'm so into my crush -- but my crush is in freakin CALIFORNIA & i'm in Massachusetts....

oh the dilemma!

by the way, i have been out of a serious rship for over 2 years, though yes i have dated since then, but nothing serious. this crush is hitting me kinda hard.

any comments/advice would be readily appreciated & most welcome!

12:30 pm - may i...

add all of you to my flist, please? do let me know if you'd rather i didn't -- i'm a rather frequent poster :)

09:54 am - nuh-uh

No way.

I just (over)heard the funniest thing I've EVER heard at work. A woman in the cube next to mine was on the phone just now, and said:

(wait for it...)

"I just feel like I'm putting my fingers in the dyke."


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